There are many things I may have in common with you, most of which I will never discover. However, of one thing I am certain which is that you have a body. We all have a body. I have a body. So why does my body have to be so, so, so...ummm blooming unpredictable and downright awkward?
Take Born Survivor as an example, an obstacle course which left me head to toe in creamy grey bruises. Not just one bruise, or a handful even, but the entirety of both legs were completely covered. The four other members in my team had an odd bruise here and there, but not me, I had to be covered.
We spend a week on the delightful Derbyshire recently and had a great time. The only spot on the horizon was the one above my eye, yes my eye swelled up to gastronomical proportions painfully so. Seeking help from the local pharmacist I was told that there was no obvious cause for my swelling. Thanks for the helpful response.
Earlier this week I noticed a sharp, burning pain on the top of my foot whilst putting my mismatched socks on. By the end of the day I had a serious cankle, the type that overspills from obese women in ballet pumps. My foot was twice the size of the other. A very puzzled Doctor spent eight minutes staring at it, rubbing his chin, only to tell me he could not decipher a cause.
Come on body, I have accepted the transparent skin, the stretch marks, the flat feet and even the obsession with holding on to every calorie as though my life depended on it but please body, please stop. I feed you well, I look after you, I don't really indulge in alcohol or greasy foods or even sugar treats (well, rarely) and I take you out for a run in the park, a jog around the block and we even spend a whole two hours every Sunday together- just you and me and the open road. I just ask that you stop being weird. Please.
I know I am lucky, I am blessed in so many ways but sometimes you just gotta vent.