Friday, 18 October 2013

I feel a blog coming on...

There are many things I may have in common with you, most of which I will never discover. However, of one thing I am certain which is that you have a body. We all have a body. I have a body. So why does my body have to be so, so, so...ummm blooming unpredictable and downright awkward?

Take Born Survivor as an example, an obstacle course which left me head to toe in creamy grey bruises. Not just one bruise, or a handful even, but the entirety of both legs were completely covered. The four other members in my team had an odd bruise here and there, but not me, I had to be covered.

We spend a week on the delightful Derbyshire recently and had a great time. The only spot on the horizon was the one above my eye, yes my eye swelled up to gastronomical proportions painfully so. Seeking help from the local pharmacist I was told that there was no obvious cause for my swelling. Thanks for the helpful response.

Earlier this week I noticed a sharp, burning pain on the top of my foot whilst putting my mismatched socks on. By the end of the day I had a serious cankle, the type that overspills from obese women in ballet pumps. My foot was twice the size of the other. A very puzzled Doctor spent eight minutes staring at it, rubbing his chin, only to tell me he could not decipher a cause.

Come on body, I have accepted the transparent skin, the stretch marks, the flat feet and even the obsession with holding on to every calorie as though my life depended on it but please body, please stop. I feed you well, I look after you, I don't really indulge in alcohol or greasy foods or even sugar treats (well, rarely) and I take you out for a run in the park, a jog around the block and we even spend a whole two hours every Sunday together- just you and me and the open road. I just ask that you stop being weird. Please.

I know I am lucky, I am blessed in so many ways but sometimes you just gotta vent.

Certainly, it is uncertainty.

Today I am uncertain. I am uncertain about everything, hell, I am even uncertain about uncertainty for certain. I am sitting (in the dark as I can't be bothered to switch on the lights) pondering what to do, should I continue my novel where I have reached a standstill, unsure as to where to take my plot next, should I do some cleaning despite my lovely new time-box rota meaning that I am on top of my chores there is always something to be done, shall I surf the web, maybe do the weekly on-line shop or should I write a blog? The latter won as you can tell.

I am uncertain as to whether my new calorie counting diet plan will help me loose the few pounds I've gained over Summer, or in fact, whether the rumbling vibrations of my furiously hungry stomach will over spill and raid the cupboards?

I am unsure whether our financial meeting with Mr. Halifax tomorrow will give us the answers we are looking for or whether this will simply equate in more confusion. I am also unsure as to whether to start looking for work- now that I am a graduate I feel as though I should be bringing home some smoky bacon, yet my writing a novel dream seems determined to keep us in the 'Poor but Creative' category. Speaking of work- what do parents of young children do with their children whilst they work?? How is is feasible to get somebody to take your child to school for you, pick one up at 11.45am, the other at 15.15 and then hang on to them until 5 or 6pm every week day?? We have no handy family members with too much time on their  hands to help us out, and surely the childcare costs must be astronomical?? Then, there's the fact that you miss so much of your children's day- you're not there when they finish school, you can't enjoy dinner with them and the whole thing is rather sad. Anyway, all I am asking is for a £20,000 a year job which runs from 9.15-11.30am Monday to Friday (term-time only)......? Maybe the novel thing is a better option after all.

Life is full of questions, answers and uncertainty. We need to accept these uncertainties and just go with what feels right and what we do know. I know that my children need me whilst my husband supports us, I know that if I eat too much cake I will gain weight and I also know that running twelve miles in the rain does not give me the right to eat 1000g of peanut butter (who knew?). So let's focus on the here and now, forget tomorrow and enjoy the moment. Now then, Redbush tea or decaf??????